• Grief and Gratitude in Motherhood

    There’s a kind of grief in motherhood that no one really talks about. It’s not the loud kind- not the kind that brings casseroles or condolences. It’s quiet. Lingering. It slips into the background of your happiest days. It lives right next to joy. Right next to gratitude.

    It’s the grief of knowing it’s all passing.
    The grief of watching your children grow.

    I feel it most in the little things.
    The way my toddler Chloe still mispronounces certain words.
    The way her developing voice still has the hallmark pitch of a little child, and how adorable she sounds whether she is speaking in English, Cantonese, Mandarin, or a mixture of all 3.
    The way I have to bend down to understand her, like we’re sharing a secret.
    The way she reaches up for me- without hesitation, without words, just trust.
    The way her innocent and brilliant mind works, how she can easily discern what is 乖 and what is 不乖, even when she is doing 不乖 things herself.
    And I know… soon, these moments will fade. She’ll grow. She should grow. That’s the point.

    But there’s a sadness in knowing I won’t live these stages again.
    I won’t have another baby to rock in the middle of the night.
    I won’t get to guess another toddler’s invented language.
    Chloe is it. My youngest. My last.

    And Olivia, my oldest, she’s already stretching out—longer legs, more independence, fewer requests to be held, new questions that show me she’s watching the world more closely now.
    The questions are no longer just about colors and animals. They’re about people. Why some people are mean. Why everyone doesn’t always get along.
    And I want to protect her.
    I want the world to stay sunshine and butterflies, like it is in her drawings.
    But I know she’ll see the shadows too.
    She’ll learn that not every bad guy gets caught. That not every good guy saves the day. That in some stories, the good guys don’t even exist.
    And it hurts. Even though I know it’s necessary. Even though I know she’s strong.

    This is where grief meets gratitude in motherhood.
    Because I am grateful—beyond words. I look at my girls and my heart could burst. I don’t want more than this. And yet… sometimes, I do. Not because what I have isn’t enough, but because I want to stretch this chapter just a little longer.

    I want to live inside the magic for just a few more minutes.

    Motherhood teaches you that two things can be true at once.
    You can be wildly grateful and still deeply sad.
    You can feel complete and mourn the baby you’ll never have.
    You can cheer your children on as they grow… while silently wishing you could freeze time.

    But maybe the point isn’t to hold on forever.
    Maybe the point is to be here fully—to soak in the sweetness before it passes.
    To say “yes” to one more story. One more cuddle. One more “I Love You!” kiss before you leave their bedroom.

    That’s how I’m learning to hold both grief and gratitude in the same hand.
    Not fighting the passing of time, but walking with it.
    Not numbing the sadness, but letting it remind me: this matters.
    This is love.

  • My Favorite Speeches

    1. Steve Jobs – Secrets of Life

    This is not a ranked list, but if I had to pick a favorite speech, this one would be a top contender.

    I don’t recall how I discovered this video- it was likely shared with me during the time I attended Flatiron School in 2014, but the message resonated immediately.

    I was raised by a single mom as a first-generation immigrant in a low income household. Growing up, the unspoken expectation was that I would get a good education, graduate from college, and find a steady job where I could be lucky enough to be gainfully employed until I retire at 65. Meet someone and have a family is sprinkled in there somewhere, but my life plan was really no more than 5 prescribed steps.

    However, after the first few years of working in the real world, I knew I wanted something more. Even though I did start my job at Turner Construction thinking I’d be a lifer, I started wondering what else was out there as my confidence grew after growing into my role. This video perfectly captures the secret to life that I stumbled upon when I was around 24 or 25.

    The following comes from the description of this linked video (emphasis are mine):

    Steve Jobs 1994 Interview Transcript

    Interview date: November 11, 1994

    Interviewer: John McLaughlin, Historian and President of the Santa Clara Valley Historical Association

    Interviewer’s question:  “If this was going to be viewed forever by young high school kids and college kids — young entrepreneurs who want to go out and do something while they’re still young. You know, the advantages of doing that. It opened up a whole new gate for other young entrepreneurs. What advice would you give them?” 

    Transcript: “. . . The thing I would say is, when you grow up, you tend to get told that the world is the way it is, and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life, have fun, save a little money. But life, that’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact, and that is: Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it. You can influence it. You can build your own things that other people can use. And the minute that you understand that you can poke life, and actually something will, you know, if you push in, something will pop out the other side, that you can change it. You can mold it. That’s maybe the most important thing is to shake off this erroneous notion that life is there and you’re just going to live in it, versus embrace it. Change it. Improve it. Make your mark upon it. I think that’s very important. And however you learn that, once you learn it, you’ll want to change life and make it better. Because it’s kind of messed up in a lot of ways. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”

    2. Jason Silva – Existential Bummer

    This video perfectly encapsulates the simultaneous love and melancholy I feel around my family and loved ones.

    I have always been acutely aware that our time on this earth is too short. In (a sad) fact, I used to cry myself asleep at 5 or 6 years old thinking about the end. It was very clear to me that the end is inevitable, so envisioning how we all get there one day terrified me and trapped me in a mental dead end maze that I could only escape by fully dropping the train of thought, or falling asleep.

    I often miss my kids while I hug them, kiss them, and tell them I love them. Maybe it’s because I’m a Gemini that I feel the duality of life extra hard, but mindfulness really helps me tip the scale to focus on being present rather than dwelling in nostalgia.

    No wonder I’m all about efficiency and maximizing value in all aspects of my life- I’m trying my best to make the most of my time here on Earth!

    Transcript

    So there’s a great essay written by Sigmund Freud called
    “On Transience.”
    And in it, he cites a conversation
    that he had with the poet, Rilke,
    as they were walking along this beautiful garden.
    And at one point, Rilke looked like he was about to tear up.
    And Freud said, what’s wrong?
    It’s a beautiful day.
    There’s beautiful plants around us.
    This is magnificent.
    And then Rilke says, well, I can’t get over the fact
    that one day all of this is going to die.
    All these trees, all these plants,
    all this life is going to decay.
    Everything dissolves in meaninglessness
    when you think about the fact that impermanence
    is a really real thing.
    Perhaps the greatest existential bummer of all is entropy.
    And I was really struck by this, because perhaps that’s
    why, when we’re in love, we’re also kind of sad.
    There’s a sadness to the ecstasy.
    Beautiful things sometimes can make us a little sad.
    And it’s because what they hint at
    is the exception, a vision of something
    more, a vision of a hidden door, a rabbit
    hole to fall through, but a temporary one.
    And I think, ultimately, that is the tragedy.
    That is why love simultaneously fills us with melancholy.
    That’s why sometimes I feel nostalgic over something
    I haven’t lost yet, because I see its transience.
    And so how does one respond to this?
    Do we love harder?
    Do we squeeze tighter?
    Or do we embrace the Buddhist creed of no attachment?
    Do we pretend not to care that everything and everyone we know
    is going to be taken away from us?
    And I don’t know if I can accept that.
    I think I more side with the Dylan Thomas quote that says,
    I will not go quietly into that good night,
    but instead rage against the dying of the light.
    I think that we defy entropy and impermanence
    with our films and our poems.
    I think we hold onto each other a little harder and say,
    I will not let go.
    I do not accept the ephemeral nature of this moment.
    I’m going to extend it forever.
    Or at least I’m going to try.

    3. Simon Sinek – Start With Why

    This was probably the first speech I’d heard that made an impact during the post-collegiate formative years of my 20s. It was such a revelation when I first heard it.

    Afterwards, I immediately requested Simon Sinek’s book of the same title from my library, and I’m pretty sure that’s how I started my favorite past time to this day of reading and learning from self-improvement books.

    Transript

    We assume, even, we know why we do what we do.
    But then how do you explain when things don’t go as we assume?
    Or better, how do you explain when others are able to achieve things
    that seem to defy all of the assumptions?
    For example: why is Apple so innovative?
    Year after year, after year,
    they’re more innovative than all their competition.
    And yet, they’re just a computer company.
    They’re just like everyone else.
    They have the same access to the same talent,
    the same agencies, the same consultants, the same media.
    Then why is it that they seem to have something different?
    Why is it that Martin Luther King led the Civil Rights Movement?
    He wasn’t the only man who suffered in a pre-civil rights America,
    and he certainly wasn’t the only great orator of the day.
    Why him?
    And why is it that the Wright brothers were able to figure out
    controlled, powered man flight when there were certainly other teams
    who were better qualified, better funded —
    and they didn’t achieve powered man flight,
    the Wright brothers beat them to it.
    There’s something else at play here.
    About three and a half years ago I made a discovery.
    And this discovery profoundly changed my view
    on how I thought the world worked,
    and it even profoundly changed the way in which I operate in it.
    As it turns out, there’s a pattern.
    As it turns out, all the great and inspiring leaders and organizations in the world —
    whether it’s Apple or Martin Luther King or the Wright brothers —
    they all think, act and communicate the exact same way.
    And it’s the complete opposite to everyone else.
    All I did was codify it, and it’s probably the world’s simplest idea.
    I call it the golden circle.
    Why? How? What?
    This little idea explains why some organizations and some leaders
    are able to inspire where others aren’t.
    Let me define the terms really quickly.
    Every single person, every single organization on the planet
    knows what they do. 100 percent.
    Some know how they do it,
    whether you call it your differentiated value proposition
    or your proprietary process or your USP.
    But very, very few people or organizations know why they do what they do.
    And by “why” I don’t mean “to make a profit.”
    That’s a result. It’s always a result.
    By “why” I mean: What’s your purpose?
    What’s your cause? What’s your belief?
    Why does your organization exist?
    Well, as a result, the way we think, the way we act,
    the way we communicate is from the outside in.
    It’s obvious. We go from the clearest thing to the fuzziest thing.
    But the inspired leaders and the inspired organizations —
    regardless of their size, regardless of their industry —
    all think, act and communicate from the inside out.
    Let me give you an example.
    I use Apple because they’re easy to understand and everybody gets it.
    If Apple were like everyone else,
    a marketing message from them might sound like this:
    “We make great computers.
    They’re beautifully designed, simple to use and user friendly.
    Wanna buy one?” “Meh.”
    And that’s how most of us communicate.
    That’s how most marketing is done, that’s how most sales is done
    and that’s how most of us communicate interpersonally.
    We say what we do, we say how we’re different or how we’re better
    and we expect some sort of a behavior,
    a purchase, a vote, something like that.
    Here’s our new law firm.
    We have the best lawyers with the biggest clients,
    we always perform for our clients who do business with us.
    Here’s our new car. It gets great gas mileage,
    it has leather seats, buy our car. But it’s uninspiring.
    Here’s how Apple actually communicates.
    “Everything we do, we believe in challenging the status quo.
    We believe in thinking differently.
    The way we challenge the status quo
    is by making our products beautifully designed,
    simple to use and user friendly.
    We just happen to make great computers.
    Wanna buy one?”
    Totally different right? You’re ready to buy a computer from me.
    All I did was reverse the order of the information.
    People don’t buy what you do they buy why you do it.
    People don’t buy what you do they buy why you do it.
    This explains why every single person in this room
    is perfectly comfortable buying a computer from Apple.
    But we’re also perfectly comfortable buying an MP3 player from Apple,
    or a phone from Apple, or a DVR from Apple.
    But, as I said before, Apple’s just a computer company.
    There’s nothing that distinguishes them structurally from any of their competitors.
    Their competitors are all equally qualified to make all of these products.
    In fact, they tried.
    A few years ago, Gateway came out with flat screen TVs.
    They’re eminently qualified to make flat screen TVs.
    They’ve been making flat screen monitors for years.
    Nobody bought one.
    Dell came out with MP3 players and PDAs, and they make great quality products,
    and they can make perfectly well-designed products —
    and nobody bought one.
    In fact, talking about it now, we can’t even imagine
    buying an MP3 player from Dell.
    Why would you buy an MP3 player from a computer company?
    But we do it every day.
    People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.
    The goal is not to do business with everybody who needs what you have.
    The goal is to do business with people who believe what you believe.
    Here’s the best part:
    None of what I’m telling you is my opinion.
    It’s all grounded in the tenets of biology.
    Not psychology, biology.
    If you look at a cross-section of the human brain,
    looking from the top down,
    what you see is the human brain is actually broken into three major components
    that correlate perfectly with the golden circle.
    Our newest brain, our Homo Sapien brain,
    our neocortex, corresponds with the “what” level.
    The neocortex is responsible for all of our
    rational and analytical thought and language.
    The middle two sections make up our limbic brains,
    and our limbic brains are responsible for all of our feelings,
    like trust and loyalty.
    It’s also responsible for all human behavior,
    all decision-making,
    and it has no capacity for language.
    In other words, when we communicate from the outside in,
    yes, people can understand vast amounts of complicated information
    like features and benefits and facts and figures.
    It just doesn’t drive behavior.
    When we can communicate from the inside out,
    we’re talking directly to the part of the brain that controls behavior,
    and then we allow people to rationalize it
    with the tangible things we say and do.
    This is where gut decisions come from.
    You know, sometimes you can give somebody all the facts and figures,
    and they say, “I know what all the facts and details say, but it just doesn’t feel right.”
    Why would we use that verb, it doesn’t “feel” right?
    Because the part of the brain that controls decision-making doesn’t control language.
    And the best we can muster up is, “I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right.”
    Or sometimes you say you’re leading with your heart,
    or you’re leading with your soul.
    Well, I hate to break it to you, those aren’t other body parts
    controlling your behavior.
    It’s all happening here in your limbic brain,
    the part of the brain that controls decision-making and not language.
    But if you don’t know why you do what you do,
    and people respond to why you do what you do,
    then how will you ever get people to vote for you,
    or buy something from you, or, more importantly, be loyal
    and want to be a part of what it is that you do?
    Again, the goal is not just to sell to people who need what you have,
    the goal is to sell to people who believe what you believe.
    The goal is not just to hire people who need a job,
    it’s to hire people who believe what you believe.
    I always say that, you know,
    if you hire people just because they can do a job, they’ll work for your money,
    but if you hire people who believe what you believe,
    they’ll work for you with blood and sweat and tears.
    And nowhere else is there a better example of this
    than with the Wright brothers.
    Most people don’t know about Samuel Pierpont Langley.
    And back in the early 20th century,
    the pursuit of powered man flight was like the dot com of the day.
    Everybody was trying it.
    And Samuel Pierpont Langley had, what we assume,
    to be the recipe for success.
    I mean, even now, when you ask people,
    “Why did your product or why did your company fail?”
    And people always give you the same permutation
    of the same three things:
    under-capitalized, the wrong people, bad market conditions.
    It’s always the same three things, so let’s explore that.
    Samuel Pierpont Langley was given 50,000 dollars by the War Department
    to figure out this flying machine.
    Money was no problem.
    He held a seat at Harvard and worked at the Smithsonian
    and was extremely well-connected.
    He knew all the big minds of the day.
    He hired the best minds money could find
    and the market conditions were fantastic.
    The New York Times followed him around everywhere,
    and everyone was rooting for Langley.
    Then how come we’ve never heard of Samuel Pierpont Langley?
    A few hundred miles away in Dayton Ohio,
    Orville and Wilbur Wright,
    they had none of what we consider to be the recipe for success.
    They had no money, they paid for their dream
    with the proceeds from their bicycle shop,
    not a single person on the Wright brothers’ team had a college education,
    not even Orville or Wilbur,
    and The New York Times followed them around nowhere.
    The difference was, Orville and Wilbur were driven by a cause,
    by a purpose, by a belief.
    They believed that if they could figure out this flying machine,
    it’ll change the course of the world.
    Samuel Pierpont Langley was different.
    He wanted to be rich, and he wanted to be famous.
    He was in pursuit of the result. He was in pursuit of the riches.
    And lo and behold, look what happened.
    The people who believed in the Wright brothers’ dream
    worked with them with blood and sweat and tears.
    The others just worked for the paycheck.
    And they tell stories of how every time the Wright brothers went out,
    they would have to take five sets of parts,
    because that’s how many times they would crash before they came in for supper.
    And, eventually, on December 17th 1903,
    the Wright brothers took flight,
    and no one was there to even experience it.
    We found out about it a few days later.
    And further proof that Langley was motivated by the wrong thing:
    The day the Wright brothers took flight, he quit.
    He could have said, “That’s an amazing discovery, guys,
    and I will improve upon your technology,” but he didn’t.
    He wasn’t first, he didn’t get rich,
    he didn’t get famous so he quit.
    People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.
    And if you talk about what you believe,
    you will attract those who believe what you believe.
    But why is it important to attract those who believe what you believe?
    Something called the law of diffusion of innovation,
    and if you don’t know the law, you definitely know the terminology.
    The first two and a half percent of our population are our innovators.
    The next 13 and a half percent of our population are our early adopters.
    The next 34 percent are your early majority,
    your late majority and your laggards.
    The only reason these people buy touch tone phones
    is because you can’t buy rotary phones anymore.
    (Laughter)
    We all sit at various places at various times on this scale,
    but what the law of diffusion of innovation tells us
    is that if you want mass-market success
    or mass-market acceptance of an idea,
    you cannot have it until you achieve this tipping point,
    between 15 and 18 percent market penetration, and then the system tips.
    And I love asking businesses, “What’s your conversion on new business?”
    And they love to tell you, “Oh, it’s about 10 percent,” proudly.
    Well, you can trip over 10 percent of the customers.
    We all have about 10 percent who just “get it.”
    That’s how we describe them, right?
    That’s like that gut feeling, “Oh, they just get it.”
    The problem is: How do you find the ones that get it
    before you’re doing business with them versus the ones who don’t get it?
    So it’s this here, this little gap that you have to close,
    as Jeffrey Moore calls it, “Crossing the Chasm” —
    Because, you see, the early majority will not try something
    until someone else has tried it first.
    And these guys, the innovators and the early adopters,
    they’re comfortable making those gut decisions.
    They’re more comfortable making those intuitive decisions
    that are driven by what they believe about the world
    and not just what product is available.
    These are the people who stood in line for 6 hours
    to buy an iPhone when they first came out,
    when you could have just walked into the store the next week
    and bought one off the shelf.
    These are the people who spent 40,000 dollars
    on flat screen TVs when they first came out,
    even though the technology was substandard.
    And, by the way, they didn’t do it
    because the technology was so great, they did it for themselves.
    It’s because they wanted to be first.
    People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it
    and what you do simply proves what you believe.
    In fact, people will do the things that prove what they believe.
    The reason that person bought the iPhone in the first six hours,
    stood in line for six hours,
    was because of what they believed about the world,
    and how they wanted everybody to see them:
    They were first.
    People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.
    So let me give you a famous example,
    a famous failure and a famous success of the law of diffusion of innovation.
    First, the famous failure.
    It’s a commercial example.
    As we said before, a second ago, the recipe for success is
    money and the right people and the right market conditions.
    Right? You should have success then.
    Look at TiVo.
    From the time TiVo came out about 8 or nine 9 ago to this current day,
    they are the single highest-quality product on the market,
    hands down, there is no dispute.
    They were extremely well-funded.
    Market conditions were fantastic.
    I mean, we use TiVo as verb.
    I TiVo stuff on my piece of junk Time Warner DVR all the time.
    But TiVo’s a commercial failure.
    They’ve never made money.
    And when they went IPO, their stock was at about 30 or 40 dollars
    and then plummeted, and it’s never traded above 10.
    In fact, I don’t think it’s even traded above 6, except for a couple of little spikes.
    Because you see, when TiVo launched their product
    they told us all what they had.
    They said, “We have a product that pauses live TV,
    skips commercials, rewinds live TV
    and memorizes your viewing habits without you even asking.”
    And the cynical majority said, “We don’t believe you.
    We don’t need it. We don’t like it. You’re scaring us.”
    What if they had said,
    “If you’re the kind of person who likes to have total control
    over every aspect of your life, boy, do we have a product for you.
    It pauses live TV, skips commercials, memorizes your viewing habits, etc., etc.”
    People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.
    And what you do simply serves as the proof of what you believe.
    Now let me give you a successful example of the law of diffusion of innovation.
    In the summer of 1963, 250,000 people showed up
    on the mall in Washington to hear Dr. King speak.
    They sent out no invitations, and there was no website to check the date.
    How do you do that?
    Well, Dr. King wasn’t the only man in America who was a great orator.
    He wasn’t the only man in America who suffered in a pre-civil rights America.
    In fact, some of his ideas were bad.
    But he had a gift.
    He didn’t go around telling people what needed to change in America.
    He went around and told people what he believed.
    “I believe, I believe, I believe,” he told people.
    And people who believed what he believed
    took his cause, and they made it their own, and they told people.
    And some of those people created structures
    to get the word out to even more people.
    And lo and behold, 250,000 people showed up
    on the right day, at the right time to hear him speak.
    How many of them showed up for him? Zero.
    They showed up for themselves.
    It’s what they believed about America
    that got them to travel in a bus for 8 hours
    to stand in the sun in Washington in the middle of August.
    It’s what they believed, and it wasn’t about black versus white:
    25 percent of the audience was white.
    Dr. King believed that there are two types of laws in this world:
    those that are made by a higher authority and those that are made by man.
    And not until all the laws that are made by man are consistent with the laws
    that are made by the higher authority will we live in a just world.
    It just so happened that the Civil Rights Movement
    was the perfect thing to help him bring his cause to life.
    We followed, not for him, but for ourselves.
    And, by the way, he gave the “I have a dream” speech,
    not the “I have a plan” speech.
    (Laughter)
    Listen to politicians now, with their comprehensive 12-point plans.
    They’re not inspiring anybody.
    Because there are leaders and there are those who lead.
    Leaders hold a position of power or authority,
    but those who lead inspire us.
    Whether they’re individuals or organizations, we follow those who lead,
    not because we have to, but because we want to.
    We follow those who lead, not for them, but for ourselves.
    And it’s those who start with “why” that have the ability
    to inspire those around them or find others who inspire them.
    Thank you very much.

    4. Jack Ma – Edison Tricked the World

    I read Alibaba: the creation of the World’s Biggest Online Marketplace back in 2015. While I wish I agressively invested into SHOP or AMZN after reading the book, the only thing I took with me after finishing the book was Jack Ma’s speech on how Thomas Edison tricked the world.

    I assume he did not mean that speech literally, but I totally understood what he meant and I am very down with the idea of being productively lazy. Whenever I approach a situation, at both work and in my personal life, I am looking for ways to make the tasks at hand easier and to minimize unnecessary efforts. I value my time and want to reserve as much as I can of it for my family and loved ones.

    Besides, my “lazy” approach to life actually always leads to better, faster ways to do things. At work, I believe I am paid for my brain, not my time. It makes no sense for me to personalize 56 emails with mostly the same content aside from who I am addressing, so I use mail merge. Mail merge was not built into Gmail, so I learned how to use a script to help me. Now I can use the extra time to tackle other, more high value tasks at work, and I can finish everything I need to do within my 40 hour work week so I rarely need to work on week nights and weekends.

    I’ll have to borrow the book again for the full excerpt of the speech, but here is what I was able to find online.

    Partial Transcript

    Many of people remember Edison’s famous phrase: the one about genius being 99% sweat and the rest inspiration.

    It’s wrong…
    If you plod forward with diligence, in the end you’ll be left with nothing.

    Edison was in fact too lazy to consider the real reason for his success- that is why he came out with the phrase and tricked the whole world.

    It’s time for us to re-think the facts:

    1. The richest man on Earth, Bill Gates, was a programmer who was too lazy to study at school, so he dropped out. He was also to lazy to remember all those complex DOS commands, so he build the graphic interface. The result the entire world now uses Windows.

    2. Coca-cola is too lazy learning from Chinese Tea that has long and venerable history, or the delicious Brazil coffee.
    He just put a little sugar together with some water, packed it in a bottle, sold it, and called it Coca-cola. The rest is history.

    3. McDonald’s is too lazy to study the refinements of French cooking or the complex skill of Chinese cuisine. He just stuck a piece of beef in between two chunks of bread and as a result the world has this M sign all over it.

    There are these people…
    They were too lazy to climb the stairs, so they invented elevators.
    They were too lazy to walk, so they invented cars, trains, airplanes.
    They were too lazy to kill people one by one, so they invented nuclear bombs.
    They were too lazy to work out every calculation, so they invented mathematical formula.
    Too many examples. I’m too lazy to give any more 

    – by Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba.com

  • Books, My Mom, and Me: AAPI Month Reflections

    At the beginning of May 2025, I found myself at the local library to pick up some books I’d requested. Right by the entrance, there’s always a collection of books the library highlights to commemorate and celebrate whatever theme of the month it is. While I usually breeze past the table and offer it nothing more than a courtesy glance, this time, on that day, I made a full stop — drawn in by interesting cover designs and kinships with the authors based on their last names.

    I ended up checking out three of the books the library recommended: How to End a Love Story by Yulin Kuang, The Impossible City by Karen Cheung, and Everything I Learned, I Learned in a Chinese Restaurant by Curtis Chin.

    Books have been my friends since I first learned English back in second grade, but I was always more interested in the content than the author. Now that I’m older, I realize that whose perspective I’m reading from matters, so I was really excited to dig in.

    Falling in Love with Fiction Again

    I got hooked on How to End a Love Story before I even left the library. My husband was taking care of our kids and I had time to read while waiting for him to pick me up, so I quickly devoured the first 100 or so pages. I love my romance books, and built up great expectations of what romance is all about from the likes of Danielle Steel, Nora Roberts, Nicholas Sparks, and EL James (#sorrynotsorry).

    This was my first time reading a romance novel written by an Asian American, featuring an Asian American female protagonist(!). It blew my mind how much I could relate to a fictional character — how Helen read like someone I knew very intimately, as if she could’ve been my best friend or a sister.

    Before this book, I’d always loved reading for how it transported me to new places and perspectives. I’ve related to plenty of characters before, regardless of their ethnicity or background. But now that I’ve experienced what it’s like to truly see myself in a story, I can’t wait to read more books like this.

    Now that I think about it, I’ll say that since I graduated from college at least, most of the books I’ve read have been non-fiction, likely in the self-improvement category or biographies and memoirs. I wonder if I just naturally pivoted away from fiction because, as the very practical person that I am, I didn’t see myself learning much more from fiction books, or at least not as much as I could understand the value of self-improvement books and learning from other people’s real life stories.

    A Hong Kong Memoir

    The next book I read in May was The Impossible City. I was drawn to this one for its book tagline – A Hong Kong Memoir, and its cover image – a glimpse of Hong Kong skyscrapers through a condensation-soaked window. I’ll always be mesmerized by the Hong Kong skyline, and it brings back a lot of good memories, because I’m lucky enough to only associate Hong Kong with my first seven years of childhood, a study abroad semester, and fun vacations.

    I’ll admit I’m not a very political person. I was raised to be practical, and I believe in meritocracy — that the best ideas should win, not specific parties. I recognize how privileged I am to even think this way, and while I’ve wrestled with whether I should care more, for now, I’ve chosen to live in my bubble.

    With that context, The Impossible City was really eye opening. I didn’t really know about all the political movements that were happening in Hong Kong before the 2019 protests. I have always been blissfully ignorant when people tell me they’re visiting Hong Kong, as all I would feel is excitement for tourists to visit my wonderful birthplace.

    Ahead of the 1997 handover back to China, my mom had the foresight to move us to the U.S. I arrived as a shy seven-year-old whose English maxed out at the British alphabet. Somehow, I picked up American English (I honestly don’t remember struggling through it), and since then, I’ve mostly lived in a blissfully ignorant state.

    Instead of facing the idea that the Hong Kong I knew and loved is slowly being erased, I’ve kept my version frozen in time. When my mom left Hong Kong, she left everything behind — for the second time in her life — to give me the best public education she could afford. I didn’t grow up with a lot of role models, but my mom has always been the only one I needed.

    Mother’s Day Celebrations

    Fittingly, May also contains Mother’s Day. During a visit to another public library while waiting to pick up my daughter from Chinese school, I came across a display of children’s books in Chinese, all about moms.

    There was:

    • 媽媽上班的路上 by 김 영진
    • 媽媽, 你還愛我嗎? by 羅寶鴻
    • 說100次我愛你 by 村上しいこ

    The girls and I loved each of these books. The stories were sweet and heartfelt, and the tone and lessons really vibe with my parenting style. I’d never seen a picture book show a mom commuting to work via bus and train, especially one with all Asian characters. The drawings brought me right back to stations I’ve been to in Taiwan, Seoul, Tokyo, Hong Kong, and Singapore.

    It was also really cool to share the story of the mom being nervous about her work presentation with my girls- Olivia asked if that mom was presenting about AI, as I had done a few weeks ago and told her about. I nearly teared up while reading 媽媽, 你還愛我嗎? – I imagine my kids asking me that, and I would give the same responses that the mom shared in the story. I am so grateful to the librarian who curated these for Mother’s Day, and can’t wait to go back and check out more.

    A Story that Echoes My Mother’s

    During that same library visit, I happened to stumble upon another important book I read during AAPI month. This one was not curated for me already, but fate pulled me to it anyway. I don’t recall what I was doing in the biographical section, but I saw the vertical title Swimming to Freedom and knew I had to pick it up.

    My mom had mentioned a few times to me that when she was younger, she swam from China to Hong Kong in search of a way to provide for her parents and three younger siblings at home. The few times I pressed, my mom didn’t really want to talk about it, so I never tried to elicit more details about this harrowing journey from her. Kent Wong’s account of his own escape from China to Hong Kong filled in a lot of holes for me and gave me a glimpse into what life must have been like for my mom back then.

    When I think of things like the Cultural Revolution, I place it in the history bucket, as if it’s something that happened a long time ago, but really, it was only 5 decades ago. My mom lived through it and I can’t believe I haven’t talked to her more about it. It’s on my long list of to dos now, and I have already asked her to tell me more. She said she needs to think about it to remember, which is wild to me because she freaking braved through unknown water, potential shark attacks, risked being shot at by guards trying to catch freedom swimmers and survived, and she doesn’t wear this experience like a badge of honor.

    I understand there’s a lot of reasons for why my mom is the way she is, but my mother truly is a legend, and once again I am so grateful to have this courageous woman as my mom. All the good parts of me, I got from her.

    Another Perspective

    Following Kent Wong’s book, I wanted to learn more so I ordered Freedom Swimmer from Wai Chim, which is another freedom swimmer story, this time based on the author’s father’s experiences. I really appreciated this book because Wai Chim did something I wish I could do – she listened to, understood, and shared her parent’s story.

    I admire all the brave men and women who took a chance on Hong Kong. Reading these stories juxtaposed with The Impossible City, I am overwhelmed by sadness and nostalgia for a place I will always call my home. Once again, I have to thank my mom- not only did she give me the first gift of starting my life out in Hong Kong, but she also gave me the chance to live the American Dream.

    One More Book

    I wrapped up AAPI month with Everything I Learned, I Learned in a Chinese Restaurant by Curtis Chin. This book complements the collection of books I’ve read so far, and takes me through the story of someone who is a fourth generation Chinese American, something I am totally not familiar with at all being a first generation myself. The author grew up in Detroit and has an interesting perspective on what it means to be born and raised in America but still can feel very much like an outsider. He wrote very honestly about his experiences growing up, and I really enjoyed his humor. I’ve already googled the author and it looks like he’s writing a second memoir- can’t wait to pick that one up when it comes out!

    Even though AAPI month is technically over, my journey into Asian American literature is just getting started. I’m currently reading Chop, Fry, Watch Learn: Fu Pei-Mei and the Making of Modern Chinese Food by Michelle King. I continue to be amazed at how much I relate to these stories — in big and small ways. I’m really fascinated by all these interesting lives and just how much I can relate to all the characters in each of these books I’ve mentioned in one way or another. I have so much to learn about my own story, who I am, what I stand for, and what matters to me, but reading about other people’s stories through well-written books with sharp points of views definitely makes me want to put my stories down in a cohesive manner as well.

    Stories Are Our Legacy

    I’m understanding more and more that the human experience is mostly about connections. I wish that my ancestors had written their stories down to pass on to me. I don’t really know where my family came from, beyond the general locations of Hong Kong and Guangdong, so it feels like a vital part of my own story is missing.

    However, I can start this for my future generations, starting with my own children. I want them to know me and understand the way I think.

    Ali Wong has a memoir called Dear Girls, and I wish she didn’t only have girls like I do, because that’s a great book title. I have no idea what I’ll call mine, but I look forward to sharing my stories with the people I love.

    This AAPI month has been a month of growth, introspection, learning, and reflecting. I’m looking forward to celebrating my Asian heritage and culture more intentionally- not just in May, but all year long.